i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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