i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They have beer where we have blood.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
