The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
