He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
