So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
