Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize