If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
