they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
