His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
