i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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