I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
