it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
