if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
