Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
