He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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