I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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