The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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