we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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