you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize