i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
