we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize