Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
