whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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