he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
