haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
