So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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