Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
