I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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