While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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