glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
