do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
