my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
