I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
