You're so nebulous sometimes
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
