How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
