She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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