I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
How's work?
Spinning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
