i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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