My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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