i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
