So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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