I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
