I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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