so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
