how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
