I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
