I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
