I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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