watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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