And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
