I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
