I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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