I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
