I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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