i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
