I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
