We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
