i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
