He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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