When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
