How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
