This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
