This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
