I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
