your thong is hanging out like whoa
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
