"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
